Sports Goddesses

2006-01-11T10:53:00.000-08:00

Busted!!

It appears that Bulgarian teenage tennis star Sesil Karatantcheva has been busted for doing steroids. Let's take a look at her picture.

Huh. Who would have guessed?

Kelley says, "As Austin Powers has notably remarked, 'That's a man, baby! Yeah!' The earrings ain't foolin' anyone, Sesil!"

2005-12-05T11:59:00.000-08:00

Great Names in Hockey

This is Antero Niittymaki of the Philadelphia Flyers. Isn't that just the best name? Come on, say it three times out loud, as quickly as you can. Niittymaki Niittymaki Niittymaki!!! That's just good stuff. He joins other Finnish Hockey Players with Fun Names like Teppo Numminen, Janne Niinimaa and Kimmo Timonen.

And he's not half bad looking, if you like the Frightened Boy Who is Desperately Trying To Grow Facial Hair and Failing look.

2005-11-28T07:33:00.000-08:00

Huskers kick some Colorado butt!

I'll be the first to admit that I was a little skeptical about whether or not the Nebraska football team would play well at all last Friday. After all, the last time they played in Colorado, they all but laid down on the field and let the Buffs run over them. I was pleasantly surprised that we totally destroyed them. In fact, Nebraska played what was arguably their best game of the year, giving all fans hope for the upcoming bowl season. As my mom liked to put it, and loudly repeated to whomever was standing closest, Nebraska "climbed out of the Toilet Bowl." She would then laugh as if she was the first person who coined that phrase, and we would all nod politely.

Besides redeeming themselves in the eyes of their fans, Nebraska proved something else on Friday. Husker fans are far classier than those in Colorado. It's not necessarily fair to say that when there are probably some decent people who were cheering for the Buffs that day. But the asshole student fans ruined the reputation for everyone by behaving like the children they apparently are when they threw a bunch of crap onto the field. Way to go, you collegiate jackasses! If ever parents were to be proud to see their offspring being removed from a football game on national TV, it was because of you!

Goldmoon says: Oh, Kelley. It's so cute that you still care about the Huskers. I just want to pinch your rosy little cheeks and then go kick one of the Huskers straight in the cornhole.

2005-11-21T19:42:00.000-08:00

Sad Day in Boxing

As any boxing fan knows (and yes, I am a boxing fan), some sad news came this month with heavyweight champion (and hot Russian) Vitali Klitschko retiring. The good news? He has a hot brother, Wladimir, who is still fighting. The bad news? He's not really that good. But as you can see, he is a good lookin' hunk of man meat (Vitali is on the right, Wladimir on the left).

With Vitali retiring, we are left with some real Uglies in the boxing world.

Like Clinton Woods.

And Maselino Masoe.

Since the Ear Biter is gone (good-bye fun circus-like fights!) and now Vitali is gone (good-bye large Russian hunk who may have bled like stuck pig every time he was hit, but who cares!), what is left to watch? Oh yeah. The actual boxing.

Kelley says: Do you think Clinton wears his name on the front of his pants because he's taken one too many shots to the melon and can't remember who he is? And Masoe has a pretty hot underwear model pose goin' on -- maybe that could be his next career choice! Can't you just picture him on America's Next Top Model, workin' it for Tyra Banks?

2005-11-18T12:01:00.000-08:00

Why I think Eric Lindros is NOT all that Goldmoon claims he is

Okay, this might seem like an antagonistic way to start a post, but last night, Goldmoon, the other bitch on this blog, made some pretty ridiculous claims about Lindros. One was that he is very manly. Judge for yourself and check out this picture (courtesy of the official Maple Leafs website):First of all, he looks like he's holding in a fart. See the strained expression? Secondly, is this manly?

I'm not saying that he's not talented, although it's hard to tell when he's constantly injured. For example, and this is quoted directly from the Leafs site, "Missed the final 30 games of the season due to injury" in reference to the 2003-04 season. And "Did not play due to injury" for the entire 2000-2001 season! Let's not forget the 1996-1997 season, when he "Missed the first 23 games of the season due to injury." For crying out loud, the man belongs in room with all the sharp corners padded with bubble-wrap!

Goldmoon is sure to point out that he managed to still perform pretty well in all of those seasons, and is a player with a huge number of goals and assists, despite his fragility. Yes, he has an impressive number of goals and assists, plus the dubiously important +/- rating. I don't discount the statistics. But Goldmoon has to admit that he's pretty darn delicate to play a sport like hockey!!!

Goldmoon says: Listen here, missy, I never said Big Eric was the best player in the NHL. I never said he was the toughest. I said he was hot! HOT! Look at him, for chrissake!

Does he have the skull of a newborn? Yes. Is he an egotistical crybaby in person? More than likely. But is he, and this is what matters here, hot? I really don't think there's any wiggle room on that. And I really doubt Kelley would kick him out of bed for eating crackers, no matter what she professes.

Look, I never said he wasn't reasonably attractive. But he always has this strained, the-gas-is-about-to-escape-must-keep-it-in expression. While I personally don't find the perpetually gassy look all that appealing, it if trips your trigger, go for it baby!

2005-11-16T08:26:00.000-08:00

Strange Sports Couple: Yashin and Alt

Here you see New York Islanders' Alexei Yashin and his girlfriend, former super model Carol Alt. This picture cracks me up. Carol Alt is all like, "WHOOO HOO! I have a much younger boyfriend who could probably crack walnuts with his asscheeks! Also, I'm DRUNK!! And maybe a little stoned!"

Alexei looks vaguely embarrassed. You know he's thinking, "Hey, I'm not hideously unattractive and I make lots of money. Couldn't I have snagged me a YOUNGER super model who doesn't get loaded at my social events and use my earnings for Botox injections?"
Kelley says: They also look oddly proud to be wearing Islander jerseys -- clearly alcohol MUST be involved. Check out the article about her on Askmen.com -- read the SECRET WISH section at the bottom of the page if you want a good laugh and a soft-core pornographic fantasy.

2005-11-15T07:15:00.000-08:00

Tyson Incognito

Ahhh, now I see why Mike Tyson isn't in jail for the rest of his crazily violent, sub-human life. He's been hiding in the NHL, masquerading as a hockey player! Let's hope his opponents keep a close eye on their earlobes.

Okay, really, the second picture is Jerome Iginla of the Calgary Flames. But isn't the resemblance uncanny?

2005-11-14T12:44:00.000-08:00

One Good Reason to Watch Ultimate Fighting: Ken Shamrock

I don't know many ladies (ladies? who are you kidding, goldmoon?) who like to watch Ultimate Fighting. They think it's too violent. They think it's stupid. Blah blah blah. I'm giving you one good reason to tune in: Ken Shamrock.

Isn't he just delicious? Come on, you have to admit it. The muscles. The face that, while it looks like it's been hit with a shovel a few times, is still so manly and attractive. The overall aura of danger and sex appeal. Grrrrrrr.

Now, let's forget for a minute that he once went over to the Dark Side (the Dark Side being 'professional' wrestling). Let's also forget that Ultimate Fighting matches, for the most part, look like two homosexual beefcakes grabbing eachother's genitals. Let's just concentrate on Ken. While he has supposedly retired (again), we know he'll be back to give us a few more peeks at his delicious body, brooding eyes and overall yumminess. Tune in, ladies. It's worth it.

kelleyj77 says: It might be worth it to watch for Shamrock and his lucky charms (he he) but I can't think of any other benefits! And despite the smokin' hot body, his face looks like it lost a fight to the front of a bus!

Goldmoon's rebuttal:

Come on!! This is HOTNESS!!!

2005-11-11T08:23:00.000-08:00

This is the first post on our new blog. The site is intended to be devoted to our perspective of sports -- any sports, all sports. But probably no NASCAR. I rarely watch things that are guaranteed to put me into a coma.

For the first entry, I would like to share what happened last night. I was flipping around the channels and landed on women's tennis. Don't ask me why I stopped because I understand NOTHING about the sport. I'm not sure what tournament it was, or when it might have taken place -- frankly, I just don't care. The match was between Lindsay Davenport, who bears a striking resemblance to Sally Field and my great-aunt Dorothy, and Maria Sharapova, a more talented Anna Kournikova.

What caught my attention were the sounds that Sharapova makes when she whacks the ball. As she serves, she makes a rather banshee-like noise that made the hair stand up on the back of my neck. And when she returns a volley, it reminded me of a wounded bird. Maybe it makes her a better player. Maybe it serves to distract her opponents. Maybe ol' Anna K. should have given it a try in between making all of those Nike commercials. Regardless, I was a tad embarrassed for Sharapova.

Goldmoon says: I think this picture makes her look like she's making kissy faces to the judges. 'Hellooo? You let me win I give you smoochy smoochy?' (This is my written version of a bad Russian accent, in case you were wondering.)